Simple Open Doors

August 8, 2024

We're winding down the Olympics and winding up the school year.

In the Olympics, what winning looks like can be painted in just three colors—gold, silver, and bronze—and everything else quickly fades to black. The stories the athletes will forever tell themselves and their children depend entirely on just a few fleeting moments for which they have been training their entire lives. Success means performing a tiny fraction better than the person next to them. I understand the pressure can be almost unbearable.

School, especially middle and high school, seems to be all about competition, too. That was certainly my impression growing up: What winning looked like to me could be written in just one letter—A—and success meant being better than everyone else. I felt that my future hinged on every test I took, every paper I wrote. I found the pressure almost unbearable.

Fortunately, I was wrong. Turns out no one cares about long-ago grades; all that matters is how capable you are. So the school stories I've told my kids have mostly been about how wrong I was. I tell them the end goal of school (and, well, everything) should be a happy, healthy, productive, engaged life. Kids need to learn a LOT, and they need to learn how to work hard, to be prepared for it. Ideally, the goal of school should be to help kids be ready to pursue their dream profession, and if I had to represent what winning looks like in a picture, it would be a series of simple open doors.

That means that if the finish lines can be properly positioned, everyone can win at school. There may be obstacles, but there is in fact no opposing team, and a gold medal can come to everyone who seeks it. My main jobs are to help my kids keep their eyes on the prize that's best for them, and to be the loudest person cheering from the sidelines.

—Deb