Sell, Don't Tell

December 1, 2022

With Black Friday and Cyber Monday just over our shoulder this week, I have SALES on the brain.

As a kid, I loathed "Because I said so." I never minded being convinced that something was a good idea. Incentives were fine, too: I always welcomed a little creative bribery. But being ordered to do anything made me seethe inside: Even if what was being proposed was appealing, my first instinct was to refuse. My mother invested in a small stack of the parenting books that were trendy at the time, but unfortunately for her, I tended to sneak them off the shelf and read them first. She'd try a strategy on me and I'd be all like, "That's fogging. It won't work on me." (In retrospect: Sorry, Mom!)

A principle from one of those books changed the way I saw the world: It declared that parents have two main options: They can be dictators, or they can be salespeople. To my small rebel brain, the choice was clear: Sell me, don't tell me! Sales all the way! I found myself watching the adults around me and labeling them as either salespeople or dictators, and it gave me back a small sense of control. I remember marveling at the dictators: What could the appeal possibly be? I wondered whether becoming a parent myself would help me understand that instinct.

But it never did. Maybe it's my rebel soul still stuck in childhood, but I have a hard time commanding even my dogs, much less my kids. In contrast, I love the challenge of selling people on a journey: Especially when my kids were little, I tried to replace the vibe of "Because I said so" with enough enthusiasm for what we were doing—and ample reasons for why it was a good idea—that everyone could be swept along without resentment.

So for Madison and Ella, it's been Black Friday every day. Does my endless cheerful sales job get tiresome? I'm sure it does. (Sorry, kids!) But even as they roll their eyes, I think they know that, like every honest salesperson, I'm doing my utmost to connect them with the best deal possible.

—Deb