To Compete or Not To Compete...
...that is the question many parents ask themselves when deciding on activities for their children. We all know about the “soccer moms,” notorious for starting brawls in the bleachers with other parents and chastising their children for missing that open net that would have won the game. On the other side of the fence is the parent who seeks programs where their child simply participates and there is no focus on winning and losing.
From an emotional development perspective, there are certainly advantages and disadvantages to each philosophy. Let’s face it, we live in a competitive world. The American system, and capitalism in general, is based on competition. Our children will ultimately compete for the top SAT scores, admittance into the college of their choice, any job for which they will ever apply, the promotion that’s available to the top performer, and countless other life experiences where there are clearly winners and losers. Some experts say that teaching children to lose gracefully and win with dignity and understand that we live in a world of winners and losers is an important concept to develop at the earliest of ages in order to prepare a child for the sometimes harsh realities of the world.
While learning about winning and losing from experience has its merits, there is certainly a potential disadvantage as well. The child who is not as athletically or cognitively gifted as his or her peers--and so tends to lose every time--can become frustrated. He or she can begin to feel that even participation is futile, thus damaging a fragile developing self-esteem. On the other hand, the child who tends to win all the time can easily become spoiled by the experience, and learn to mistakenly expect that life is about getting everything one wants.
A child’s life needs balance. Spending seven hours a day practicing the piano is truly not much better than spending those seven hours playing video games. Certainly, the piano is a more enriching activity, but it doesn’t give the child an opportunity to diversify and make important choices about what is important to them and what her or she enjoys doing most.
So before making the choice about where to specialize, it’s important to have a general knowledge of the options that exist. It’s similar to the reason we look at a menu in a restaurant. Sure, we could just walk in and ask for something we want to eat, but perhaps by looking at the menu, we may choose to experiment with something new and learn from that experience, whether or not it becomes something we enjoy.
Similarly, giving a child an opportunity to participate in competitive sports and activities teaches the important drive and determination that it takes to win in life and face the reality of losing on occasion. Mixing in activities where the child has a rewarding experience by simply participating helps to create the balance that a child needs to develop self-esteem and confidence.
Allow your children to diversify at an early age. See how they respond to winning. See how they respond to losing. See how they respond to learning. See how they respond to just having fun. Then, take the opportunity to counsel your children on what is important about each experience. Ultimately, when children become able to make more independent choices, they will let you know whether they want to practice the piano for seven hours so they can compete with many others to become a world-class concert musician, or if they just want to play because they enjoy it.
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Ythan A. Lax, who clearly believes it is never too early to start a child on the road to physical fitness, is the owner of The Little Gym of Perinton-Pittsford, a non-competitive motor skill development program for children ages 10 months – 12 years that uses recreational gymnastics as a teaching tool to develop physical skills, emotional confidence, cognitive learning, and social interaction. Ythan also has a background in competitive athletics having won the SUNYAC tennis championship in 1986 and has participated in competitive sports throughout his life. For more information about The Little Gym, call (585) 223-6680 or go to www.tlgperintonny.com.
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